omg i got this nail polish
my nails look like yellow high lighters
lyfe is gud mayyyyn.>>
Gone - Ebony Day (Original Song) - Live recording
walks through the door rain is pouring, he’s far from okay.
she runs in crying, screaming, wishing that the pain would go away.
yesterday a baby was born, today that baby is gone
they said hi, goodbye, to the life that they once made
when they where high off love and cheap champagne
He says were not meant to be, were not written in the stars
if we were we’d have a baby in this home to call ours
but please don’t run away from something that i didn’t do
cos we just said goodbye to someone that we never knew
and i can’t take the thought of loosing you too
so please just take my hand and i swear we’ll make it through.
and you can call me crazy, maybe its for the best
God took our kid today and maybe this is just a test.
And they love you, and they miss you
but you’ll always be theirs
whether your far or your near, they care.
Wakes up at midnight snow is falling but he’s sat in the street.
she says baby come inside, you can hold me
you know you know, i can feel his warmth
she says no babe, no babe. he’s gone.
and they held you for the first time and the last
when they waited for the 9 months that had passed
to say hi, goodbye to the life that they once made.
when they were high, off love and cheap champagne.
and they love you
and they miss you
but you’ll always be theirs
whether your far or your near. they care
whether your far, your near. they care.
It’s so sad that people are looking for sex
To have a good time, a good night and nothing less
They don’t care about the feelings only the “feel good” ones having meanings
Nobody cares to spend their nights alone
If not with someone in bed then in a club with their friends
What happened to the world now days?
What happened to the love that should’ve stayed
Am I wrong or am I right
Just saying what I feel, not trying to be impolite.
All I’ll Ever Need Original
I don’t see what you don’t see
We need to face reality that you and I are not meant to be
I mean it’s totally and completely odd and I don’t mean to say plain
But really there is no other way to say this but straight
I remember staying up and pretending things were good enough
But good enough doesn’t cut what had the potential to be great
You’re smile was what gave me a heartbeat but unfortunately it didn’t last
Your frown was what was killing me so slowly
I was blind to everything
While everything was not as it seemed
All I wanted was you to see that I could be your little bee who buzzed love into your heart
But really there is no other way to make this seem like this is okay because there’s no other way
I remember staying in just so that I could be alone with you again but your face I never saw
How did I think you could catch me through it all?
You called me “cute” and you said I was sweet
Feeding me lines, oh so make believe, I believed
I grew numb to life around me
Everyone was living and I was fake smiling to keep on dreaming
I felt you sliding away but I held on until that day
You broke me but I didn’t realize you set me free
Free of the hurt and pain
No more silly games
“I love you but I don’t want you”
Moving on to someone new
You and I will be alright
Finding our places and starting a new life
I’d have to say that you made the best mistake
Without that I’d still be bound to a man who treated me like a doormat.
Oh that feeling of replacement
I feel like I’ve been moved to your basement
I never wanted to be here
It’s you who I always wanted to be near
Never do I want be someone that doesn’t matter anymore
When it was you, I tried to always adore
But you left me like it was nothing
I know I deserve to be a something
You made like he was better than me
but he’s not and I have to let you be
Your happiness is worth more than mine
All I have to do is watch and give it time
I know you’ll come running back
Without me your life will lack
You’ll come back if he breaks your heart
I’ll be here with my own broken heart waiting to restart
All over again, we’ll be best friends
Like time never passed but it will when I have to wait for the next boy to come steal you away again.
“So you love him?” He looked at me with question marks in his eyes.
I rolled my eyes. “No.”
I sighed. It was now or never I guess. “I don’t love him. He doesn’t love me. I don’t like him. He doesn’t like me. I don’t… I don’t even care about him anymore. He doesn’t care about me either. I don’t know how else to say it.” I tossed my head and my hair fell in my face. I pushed it out of the way.
“So… what are you really saying?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“I.. I like you. Like that.” I eyes bore into his. “But you don’t like me back.” I added quickly. I gave him a steely glare. I forced myself to keep my eyes leveled with his. I couldn’t read his expression. He looked blank.
“Yeah. Okay, um, bye.” I turned and walked away quickly. I would’ve ran but falling down in four inch heels wasn’t really my idea of a graceful exit.
There. I said it. I laid my heart on the line. I hope he wouldn’t crush it. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. My confession was met by silence and it was probably the only thing I would ever hear from him.>>
Wasting time holding on to yesterday
You can’t see tomorrow, you can’t see your fate
Why do you linger, why do you stay
Let go or else you’ll grow lonely this way
Play it cool, play it safe
I can live the life behind my masks day to day
Masquerade the feelings that aren’t real
Happiness is one with I deal
I am happy but it doesn’t always show
Determined to feel okay, I smile anyway
Somehow things start to get better.
going to my white room
where the walls are listening
I’m the only person here but I keep on fighting
one foot in front of the other
I am not enjoying confusion but I must endure it
fingering the shiny metal and letting it graze my skin
let’s try this, let’s not try this
contemplating pleasure over regret
I don’t know.>>
“Can I tell you something?” I asked him suddenly. I hopped off of the ledge we were sitting on and looked at him keenly in the eye.
He looked up from his cell phone and eyed me in surprise by the urgency in my voice. “Go ahead.”
“I’m going to be honest. Really honest.”
My first outburst was met by silence. I went ahead anyway. “Everyday since the day we met I would think about you. Not in the creepy I-want-to-get-in-bed-with-you kind of thinking or he-looks-like-cute-arm-candy. No, no. Not that way. I thought about the future and if we would get to know each other more. Be friends. But heck, the word “friend” is such an overused word. Not many people in this world know how to be one.”
He listened intently and I went on. “I’m scared right now. I’m so scared right now.”
“Why are you scared?” He asked. “What are you scared of?”
“There’s this thing about me.” I confessed. “I’m afraid that anyone I try to become close to will leave me. It’s a fear most people have but if you’ve been hurt as much as I have then you’ll learn to get over it. I’m used to being alone. Alone as in hanging out by myself. Large crowds scare me and I’m usually myself with one or two people but to me even three is considered a crowd. I don’t want any one to judge me but it happens. It happens all the time.” I sighed. “I mean, you know, we could be friends or we could be fake friends. All I know is that I’m gonna be a damn good friend to you even if you’re not one back. All I really want is to be needed or wanted.”
“You have to let me in,” he said simply. “It might scare you but I wouldn’t - in anyway - try to be mean to you. You’ve got these walls so high and so thick. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be scared to be you in front of me. I want the unguarded version of you.”
“Unguarded?” I tossed in an empty laugh out. “I want to. I wish I could but…”
His eye filled with concern as he waited.
“It hurts me too much to do that. Bad things happen.” I felt the sting of memories past as those words escaped my lips. My eyes watered for a second.
He looked away and nodded. “It takes a while to trust someone.” He looked back at me again. “But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to get to know you.”
I smiled genuinely. “Thanks.”
“No.” He smiled back. “Thank you.”>>
September 5th, 2011
Why have you faded?
Have you lost yourself on the lonely road called “most hated”
Why did you let hate bother you?
It’s not an excuse if you could’ve kept your head up
Kept chasing the rainbow and not the birds
They’re so high up and make noises to irritate you
Like those people who’ve changed you
Why did you let them erase you?
Your reputation proceeds you but all the eye can see is dullness and gray
Those birds who fly can be shot out of the sky like those people who’ll fall after you pull out the rug
They’re fads and fads change
Don’t let them run your game, play your fame or ruin your name
Change back into someone new
Better than ever and be someone true.
This is a letter to myself
Stop wishing you were someone else
With expertise, you’ll learn stuff that time brings
You are you and no one else
Be glad that you are alive
Learn as much as you can
Believe me you’re blessed to know
All the things you’ve learned so far
Imagine being dumber than a cup
You should pray before you do
Do anything you want to do
I believe in you, Self
Please don’t try to be anyone but you.>>
you look at me and all I see are shadows lurking
you’re the ghost from the past
I lived past you for years and years
will you go and leave me, my dear.>>
A flicker of your face appears in my memory’s gate way
Who are you now because you’re not the same as you were then
Going faster the tape is playing, I hear your voice inside my head
“I’m so sorry!”
I saw myself pushing past you and out unto the street
“Let me go!”
I felt your arm around me as I was haunted by these dreams
Death is not wanted here but yet is has visited my heart
That incident where my dearest friend was killed on the spot
The bloody mess, bodies left for dead and metal crunched all around
I heard the sirens as the sky lights up with flashing lights
Your hands they held on to mine
You held on so tight, you wouldn’t let me die
All of a sudden the mess was cleaned up and you left my life
You grew numb and left me to discover myself in the dark
See this old spark that I now remember
We’ll get closer if we promise to come together
That night will always be just a memory of you to me